ACT I, SCENE ONE
Lights up on a hotel conference room.
Plain, generic-looking chairs are laid out in neat rows.
A high-top table in the back is adorned with a pitcher of water, with several discarded plastic cups laying on the floor beneath.
At the front of the room stands Larry Gordon, instructor for Hack University.
He wears jeans, sneakers, and a grey hoodie, his wild hair standing straight out from his head like a lion’s mane.
Seated sporadically in front of him are six attendees, laptops out, ready to take notes.LARRY:
Alright everyone, if I could have your attention please, we’re ready to get started.
First, I wanted to say welcome, and of course, congratulations on being here today at the Hack University Growth Seminar.
We’ve got 2 tremendous days of learning planned for you, and by the end of the weekend, you’ll be able to confidently introduce yourself as a “Growth Hacker” at your next startup happy hour event.
[He paces before the crowd at the front of the room.]
One quick housekeeping note: my apologies for the temperature in the room. I know it’s freezing, but you know how these hotels are.
Also, the staff has requested that we only use the restrooms down the hall to the left, and not the ones to the right, as those are reserved for the prom happening tonight in the ballroom.
[He walks to a lectern and picks up a remote control for his computer.]
For this morning’s session, we’ll be learning that most venerated of growth hacking skills: the viral how-to article. We’re going to learn how to write an article that generates 50,000 page views, all in a matter of hours with zero budget!
[He pauses and scans his audience, desperate for a reaction, before beginning to slowly pace again.]
Will this help your employer grow?
But what matters here is your personal brand.
Viral success leads to growth hacking notoriety, and growth hacking notoriety leads to being invited to all sorts of speaking gigs at local meetups and forum AMAs.
And that leads to… well I’m not sure what that leads to, but that’s beside the point.